Summer has come to an end. Fall is upon us. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to 60-degree weather. It allows for fashionable layers and cuddle sessions that don’t involve skin sticking to a leather couch.
Fall is certainly a great season to be in a relationship. But your relationship will fail if you’re not in it for the right reasons — no matter the season. To help prevent that from happening, I wrote up a list for you guys.
Unless you can answer these five questions correctly, you should stay away from dating. Buy yourself a sweater or two to keep warm.
Am I who I need to be?
When people think that adding someone to their lives will make them better, relationships fail. Instead, focus on making yourself better. Though finding that special someone will improve your life, you can’t rely on it.
A partner isn’t a solution to your problems. Your partner is there to simply be with you. And if you’re not the person you need to be, you’re bound to hit rough waters.
Sometimes it is possible to find yourself while you’re seeing someone. But the opposite is usually the case, and you come to know yourself best when you’re not in a relationship.
This is why “It’s not you; it’s me” is such a popular breakup line. We rush into relationships before we find ourselves, only to have to break things off because we realize that we aren’t yet ready. We aren’t yet the people we need to be.
Our journey doesn’t need to be travelled entirely alone, but parts of it must be. Be sure that you are who you need to be before you get yourself into a relationship.
If your partner is the one, but you’re not yet who you need to be, the relationship will fail. And it’s going to hurt.
Do I have it in me to make it work?
Our eyes are much hungrier than our stomachs. We reach for glory, understanding that the journey will be a struggle. But we throw in the towel when the struggle begins. Of course we want love, a partner and the security of a relationship. But few of us have it in us to make it work.
The only way to know whether you have it in you to make it work is if you’ve experienced the struggle before. This is the struggle of balancing being an individual and being a team member (The “team” in this case is your relationship — hopefully a loving, caring one).
If you are an inexperienced lover, the chances of making it work are slim to none. I’m sorry to tell you that, but it’s true.
It is not until you understand the compromises and sacrifices that need to be made — and are willing to make them happily — that you can make the relationship work.
Do I love myself, or am I relying on my partner’s love for me?
People have an intrinsic need to feel love and compa$$ion. Without it, we’re incomplete, unhappy and unfulfilled. We need love to feel like we’re good people. I know how basic that sounds, but not everyone in the world feels this.
And even when they do, they still want confirmation from others. They want to know that others see them as the wonderful people they believe they are.
The problem is that some of us don’t necessarily believe that we’re good. Some believe that they’re flawed, bad, damaged or deformed (physically or spiritually). And these people still need to be loved.
But you can’t go out and find love from others if you haven’t yet figured out how to love yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself first and foremost, you’ll never find your fairytale love. It’s literally impossible.
You’ll either latch onto your partner in an unhealthy way, or you’ll refuse to believe that someone could love you when you can’t even love you. I’ve seen it happen, and it broke my heart.
Am I in this for the right reasons?
Some of us date because we believe it’s what we’re supposed to do. Some of us date because we’re bored. Some of us date because we want to have $ex and think that being in a relationship is the healthiest way to do this.
People date for countless reasons, but there’s only one right reason.
If you’re thinking about getting into a relationship, you need to do this only when you’ve found the right person.
You don’t have to be 100 percent certain of your choice, but you do have to believe there is a good chance this person is the one you’ve been seeking.
Relationships exist to make our lives better, happier and more fulfilling. Not only do they allow us to experience happiness; they also let us share in someone else’s.
Deciding to be in a relationship in order to get over your ex — or for any reason other than to find true love — is, simply put, wrong.
Is my partner in it for the right reasons?
Things can fall apart even when you’re in the right place in life, in the right mindset and in the relationship for the right reasons. It takes two to tango, and even if you don’t have two left feet, your partner very well may.
Life and love would be much simpler if the people in relationships were always on the same page. We would save ourselves so much heartache and prevent many tears. But that is not reality.
No matter how amazing you are or how ready you are for commitment, things aren’t going to work out if your partner isn’t feeling the same way. You can love someone with your whole heart, but if that person isn’t ready, then it won’t work. I’m sorry.
I wish I could tell you about something that you could do.
In the end, I realized that two people — no matter how much they love each other — sometimes just can’t be who they need to be for the love to last. It’s not your fault or your partner’s; it’s just the way the cards were dealt.
By Paul Hudson